


City Angel

by golden_kimono



Series: B.A.P Bingo Challenge [7]
Category: B.A.P, K-pop
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Genderfluid, Genderfluid Character, M/M, Non-binary Himchan, Other, Sexuality, Some Daehyun/Hyeri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2015-09-30
Packaged: 2018-04-24 03:31:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4903954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/golden_kimono/pseuds/golden_kimono
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Himchan was ten when he realised he liked boys. It wasn’t a grand revelation; in fact, he barely acknowledged it afterwards and didn’t tell anyone, because it didn’t seem important at the time." And more realisations/revelations throughout the years of Himchan and Daehyun's friendship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	City Angel

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [B.A.P Bingo Challenge](http://bapbingochallenge.tumblr.com/), prompt: Childhood Friends. I was really excited for this one, but it somehow didn't turn out as I expected, especially at the end. I hope it's still okay. ^^;

Himchan was ten when he realised he liked boys. It wasn’t a grand revelation; in fact, he barely acknowledged it afterwards and didn’t tell anyone, because it didn’t seem important at the time. It was like when he had figured out Santa didn’t exist: not a big deal, just an ‘oh, that actually makes sense!’

When he was thirteen, he knew better. The boys in his class made fun of the idea of someone not being straight, and now he didn’t tell anyone for fear that he’d be their next target. Besides, it was none of their business; not like he went into the locker rooms and stared at them, because that would be weird – and, honestly, he didn’t find any of his classmates attractive. Or attractive enough, at least. He had touched upon the topic with his parents, but their reactions hadn’t been very promising, so he kept it to himself.

At fourteen, he had had enough. Daehyun, his best friend since they had been little, the one who never joined in with the bullying or the rude comments the other boys would make, he could be trusted. So, one late evening, after they had finished their homework, Himchan sat them down on his bed and told him.

He had been right: Daehyun not only continued treating him the same way, he also kept it a secret, and tried to be as supportive as possible. He did ask if Himchan had ever had a crush on him, actually looking completely indignant when Himchan only laughed.

By the age of seventeen, Himchan admitted to himself that he didn’t see himself as fully male. Genderfluid, he had found out it was called. Sometimes he was a girl, or somewhere in between, although he did his best to suppress it. It wasn’t something he had wanted Daehyun to know, but he found out when he walked into Himchan’s room one day only to find him in make-up and a dress. There had been much confusion and many questions, but in the end Daehyun had accepted this part of him as well, even though he didn’t fully understand it, and allowed Himchan to come over more often when he was home alone so he could be open about it there. Eventually, once Himchan gained the courage, they went out together as well, even when he was wearing what could be considered girl’s clothing, because they had found people didn’t seem to recognise him that way (or at least not as easily).

When they were nineteen, they were in Daehyun’s dorm and Daehyun revealed that he had feelings for Himchan, but only when he was a girl. Himchan said he understood, but explained that that wasn’t quite how it worked. At the end of the day he didn’t have breasts, but he did have a cock, even though he had grown rather skilled at pretending otherwise. Daehyun explained he wasn’t looking for a relationship, because he knew it wouldn’t be fair, but could they, perhaps, just once…

At nineteen, in that dorm, Himchan and Daehyun kissed for the first time, Himchan leaving red lipstick marks on Daehyun’s mouth, Daehyun running his hand up Himchan’s skirt. Himchan had thought it would be brief, and when Daehyun’s fingers brushed over his underwear, he was sure that would be the end, because no amount of imagination could pretend his hardness wasn’t there. When Daehyun jerked his hand away, Himchan smiled and told him it was okay. After a few moments’ contemplation, in which Himchan pulled off his disarrayed wig and Daehyun simply _stared_ , their lips met again.

At nineteen, in that dorm, Himchan and Daehyun had sex.

It wasn’t something they ever mentioned again, but it also wasn’t something that ever affected their friendship. Somehow, they went back to how they had been before, until eventually things inevitably changed. Daehyun made a bunch of new friends in his classes, while Himchan met Yongguk, a boy a year older who had feelings for Himchan when he was a girl, a boy, and any other way. He introduced Himchan to his family and his friends, who were all equally warm.

When Himchan was twenty-one, he sat down with Daehyun in his own dorm. Daehyun admitted he felt like he barely knew Himchan anymore, and Himchan confessed he didn’t know how to act around Daehyun any longer. Time had changed them and they were no longer the little boys who’d play in the mud, or the teenage boys who were trying to explore their sexualities together. They had grown up. There were no hard feelings, there was no fighting, and they agreed their friendship had simply run its course. “It happens,” Himchan said. Daehyun nodded and parted from him with a last hug.

Now, at age twenty-seven, Himchan felt more comfortable. Their family had had a hard time accepting them, but had eventually agreed to do their best, because they loved Himchan too much to give up what they had. Sometimes they still used ‘he’ or ‘him’, but they were trying, which was all Himchan could ask of them. Nowadays Himchan preferred ‘they’, having fully embraced all parts of themselves and seeing them as a whole.

Himchan walked down the street, heels tapping on the surface, thinking of Daehyun. After not having seen each other for so long, they had run into each other earlier, Himchan alone, on their way to meet Yongguk, while Daehyun had been with friends. A pretty girl, named Hyeri, had been introduced to Himchan as Daehyun’s wife, and she had been lovely, never so much as batting an eyelid when she was informed that this person in the dress and with the fake eyelashes was the Himchan who had been Daehyun’s best friend growing up. One or two of Daehyun’s friends, however, seemed to feel differently, and it had been hard to ignore their judgement and disgust, even when everyone else had been fine and Daehyun had even shown genuine interest in Himchan’s life.

Smiling bitterly, Himchan shoved their hands in their pockets, trying to remember that this wasn’t like high school, and that Daehyun would’ve told them off if he hadn’t been too excited to speak to Himchan. It was with a deep sigh that they reached the club Yongguk would be performing in tonight. Himchan nodded at the bouncer, who let them in immediately, and breathed more easily once inside. This was where no one cared, where Himchan was accepted in their entirety.

“Hey!”

Himchan turned out to find Yongguk sticking his head out the dressing room door. Yongguk frowned when he caught sight of Himchan’s face and stepped into the hallway, placing his hands on Himchan’s shoulders and rubbing in slow circles. “You okay? You look kind of upset.”

Himchan stared into Yongguk’s eyes, seeing the blatant concern and feeling flattered by it. Daehyun had been Himchan’s best friend growing up, had been there throughout everything and always cared so fully and deeply (Himchan recalled the time Daehyun had come home with a broken nose after he had had enough of how the bullies had been treating Himchan ever since the rumours had started up), and Himchan counted themselves very lucky to have met him. Then Yongguk had appeared and taken over, as it were, but more than simply a best friend, he was Himchan’s lover, boyfriend, everything. Knowing that those two had been part of Himchan’s life at some point was much more important than some foolish people whose ignorance hadn’t been cured yet.

A small smile appeared on Himchan’s face. “Yeah.” They leaned up to give Yongguk a kiss, which was reciprocated eagerly as they both ignored the calls for Yongguk to go on stage in less than a minute. After they broke apart, Himchan grinned. “I’m perfect.”


End file.
